Monday, September 04, 2006

TIME WARP


Sorry for my absence since starting my new job. Most of my time after work is spent soaking my feet. Standing in one spot for hours on end is tough on the feet.

The good news is, with the plethora of rednecks and in-breeders in Podunk I'll have some funny shit to blog about.

For example, Podunk is stuck in a time warp. Just last month the grocery store got cash registers with scanners. Before that it was the old ring up everything by hand. And the cashiers had to memorize the weekly sales ad the best they could.

One other new addition to Podunk is an ATM machine. The local convenience store finally got one a few months ago. It is a wonder we don't have to climb a pole to use the phone.

Yesterday a elderly farmer, that either doesn't come to town very often or he is just getting senile finally noticed the register upgrade. The old man inspected the entire set up, from the counter, the card reader, to the scanner. Once he was done he scratched his head and said what's coming next?

Then I nearly gave the poor old guy a Stroke. When I totaled up his things I saw his shaking hands reaching for his checkbook. I knew it would take him a while to write a check. So I told him that the new register would print his check for him if he liked.

No! Hell no everyone's trying to get my money! Your not getting my checkbook. It took me and the other cashier ten minutes to calm the old farmer down and convince him we weren't after his money.

Once I finished sacking his groceries the fight was on again. The bag boy was at lunch so I grabbed up the sacks to carry them out to his car. The old man is I guess 70 or 75 years old, I didn't want him lugging those heavy sacks. He came unglued. No little girl is going to do a man's job for me. All the way to his truck I could see his lips moving, still fussing about the ordeal.

Maybe Podunk should stay in their time capsule. They may not be ready for registers that print checks, and machines that spit out money. Sometimes time warps can be a good thing. And small towns can be nice. Both of my kids classes have only 12-15 kids each.

And if my kids act up when I am not there, someone will call me to clue me in. Most times before the kids even get home. Podunk doesn't even have a traffic light. If one was installed just imagine the uproar like that would cause.

12 Comments:

Blogger Jim said...

you can never go wrong with an obscure Green Acres reference!!!!!!

1:11 AM  
Blogger Ben Heller said...

I like the idea of towns in a backwards time warp. It makes me think that there's a warmer sense of community spirit than some of the faceless cold modern towns, like mine.

4:16 AM  
Blogger Ranea said...

Jim: If you knew Podunk you'd know it's not far from green acres.


Ben:I don't know if it's community spirit or nosy old ladies.

7:51 AM  
Blogger Ranger Tom said...

The entire state of West Virginia is in the same time warp...

It's about 30 years behind everywhere else in the country.

You should have seen the deer-in-the-headlights look I got from my previous boss when I asked him about direct-deposit for my paychecks.

12:46 PM  
Blogger Mimi said...

Shit I thought I was in a outdated place! WOW! If I were ever there I think I would feel freaky like I was in a Twilight Zone Episode about a time warp or something.

8:48 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

I have been through your area many, many times -- anyone who hasn't should rent The Last Picture Show

11:43 PM  
Blogger erika said...

LOL Sounds like were I live. You take the good with the bad

8:42 AM  
Blogger :P fuzzbox said...

I guess that I am a little stuck in the past myself. I feel uncomfortable with female's unloading my grocerys. It is downright unchivelrous.

9:23 AM  
Anonymous Bruce said...

I live in a city of about 75,000, not that far from DC to the north, and the Research Triangle to the south. You'd think that progress would come quickly, especially since we're a supposed home of industry. But noooooo... I've been in towns 1/3 the size of mine that were more progressive. And Ranger Tom is right about West Virginia; that's what happens when the state flower is the satellite dish.

9:47 AM  
Anonymous michaelm said...

Looking forward to more sordid tales from the outskirts...
Very funny post.

~m

9:07 AM  
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I am a wild Irish rose stuck in a cow pasture. Completely out of my element but trying to fit in as best I can.

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