Wednesday, September 13, 2006


When you think of Homecoming, most of us envision huge mums, bonfires, and the Queen being crowned at halftime of the game. Here in Podunk it is a very big deal. Homecoming isn't just for the High School kids. It is a reunion for all ex-students.

For a week before Homecoming preparations are being made. Welcome Exes banners are strung up over main street, the streets are cleaned, and planters are placed on the corners with fake mums in them. And every store window is decorated with crate paper.

Every year on Homecoming Thursday there is a tailgate supper, the formal announcement of the Homecoming Queen candidates,a pep rally, and the night end with the bonfire. Friday there is another pep rally before school ends. And at halftime proud Fathers escort their daughters onto the field for the crowning. After the game there is an all ages dance.

Saturday afternoon, win or lose, there is a parade. Then another dance Saturday night. By Sunday afternoon things are calming down and exes are leaving for home.

Being an outsider I have never been into Podunks Homecoming rituals. I would go watch my kids in the parade. And occasionally Doug and I would go to one of the dances, but not the entire weekends events.

This year I'll be involved in all the festivities. My daughter Kate has been nominated for Homecoming Queen. Kate came home with the news yesterday. The football players nominate one girl from each class, then the entire high school votes.

Kate and I are thrilled about the possibility of her winning the crown. Doug says I am more excited than Kate is about it. Maybe I am, my high school was so big that unless you were a rich cheerleader you didn't have a chance at becoming Homecoming Queen.

I just want Kate to enjoy this experience. It will be something she will always remember. I'll remember it too. At least the cost of it.

I have to buy three gowns, one for each day. The Thursday pep rally, the Friday night game, and the Saturday parade. Then there are other expenses, shoes, jewelry, and hair. I have always made all my girls their mums, so I can save a little there.

Homecoming is the last weekend of this month. I will let you all know October 1st if Kate wins.

Wish Kate luck!!

Monday, September 04, 2006


Sorry for my absence since starting my new job. Most of my time after work is spent soaking my feet. Standing in one spot for hours on end is tough on the feet.

The good news is, with the plethora of rednecks and in-breeders in Podunk I'll have some funny shit to blog about.

For example, Podunk is stuck in a time warp. Just last month the grocery store got cash registers with scanners. Before that it was the old ring up everything by hand. And the cashiers had to memorize the weekly sales ad the best they could.

One other new addition to Podunk is an ATM machine. The local convenience store finally got one a few months ago. It is a wonder we don't have to climb a pole to use the phone.

Yesterday a elderly farmer, that either doesn't come to town very often or he is just getting senile finally noticed the register upgrade. The old man inspected the entire set up, from the counter, the card reader, to the scanner. Once he was done he scratched his head and said what's coming next?

Then I nearly gave the poor old guy a Stroke. When I totaled up his things I saw his shaking hands reaching for his checkbook. I knew it would take him a while to write a check. So I told him that the new register would print his check for him if he liked.

No! Hell no everyone's trying to get my money! Your not getting my checkbook. It took me and the other cashier ten minutes to calm the old farmer down and convince him we weren't after his money.

Once I finished sacking his groceries the fight was on again. The bag boy was at lunch so I grabbed up the sacks to carry them out to his car. The old man is I guess 70 or 75 years old, I didn't want him lugging those heavy sacks. He came unglued. No little girl is going to do a man's job for me. All the way to his truck I could see his lips moving, still fussing about the ordeal.

Maybe Podunk should stay in their time capsule. They may not be ready for registers that print checks, and machines that spit out money. Sometimes time warps can be a good thing. And small towns can be nice. Both of my kids classes have only 12-15 kids each.

And if my kids act up when I am not there, someone will call me to clue me in. Most times before the kids even get home. Podunk doesn't even have a traffic light. If one was installed just imagine the uproar like that would cause.
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Location: Podunk, Texas

I am a wild Irish rose stuck in a cow pasture. Completely out of my element but trying to fit in as best I can.


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