Monday, February 27, 2006

MEMORY LANE PART 2



I promised I'd tell about another adventure from my High School days with my often drunk but always fun loving friends. So here goes!

My friend Stacy's parents were out of town for the weekend. Needless to say it was an endless party. Everyone slept where they where when they passed out. By early Sunday afternoon we had the B-B-Q pit going. But boredom reared it's ugly head once again. This time we had a moment of clarity and realized that we were in no condition to drive.

We were tossing around ideas, when Stacy's Dad's backhoe caught our eye. We can dig a hole, add some water and Voila! a mud wrestling pit. Kevin dug the hole, and turned on the hose while the rest of us put names in a bowl for each match. Then once everyone was suited up, we got ready to rumble.

It was great, especially for the guys. Watching 17 yr. old girls mud wrestle must be every guys wet dream. After all the rounds were over and the Champions crowned. We left Stacy to face the music alone. None of us were too worried. Stacy's an only child, and Daddy's little girl.

Their only complaints were why didn't we dig the hole in the backyard instead of the front. And we had all better get back there to clean up our mess. The guys filled the hole and us girls cleaned the floors were we tracked in mud.

That was a great summer. I wish I could go back and do it again. But I don't think I'd survive a summer like that one twice!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

HIT THE ROAD




I have one question for all the empty nesters out there. What the f**k are you bitching about? I have a daughter from a previous marriage. Doug and I have dubbed her " The lump on the couch," lump for short.

She has no job, no real skills, and expects a top paying job to come knocking on the door. That is if she gets off the couch and answers it. I love her, she is my child. But I don't think she is ever leaving.

I use to have a long list of things I wanted to do in my lifetime. Now that list consists of only one thing. Getting the kids out of the house before I die. And with my sanity intact. I never understood why some people upon retirement sold everything. House, cars, furniture, and everything lock stock and barrel. Then buy a R.V. and hit the open road. I assumed that retired people would want to take it easy. But now I get it!!

These people aren't really wanting to travel. They are hiding from their kids, and the possibility that they will move back in. I imagine some got out while the getting was good. And some were forced to flee moments before their adult children arrived. Now they are living on the lamb like criminals. I don't think Doug and I could stand living in such close quarters. After a couple of days of a vacation both of us are looking at each other and say things like don't you have some place to go? And where can you go on a r.v. to have space?

It won't keep the kids from moving home. But maybe it will keep them from digging in if I gut their rooms. Turning them into an exercise room, or walk-in closet. Hopefully they'll take the hint. Knowing my kids they'll start up a tent city on the lawn. Maybe I should invest in guard dogs.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

THE BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS


In the grocery store recently, I sent my son ahead to pick out cereal. I knew itwould take him awhile. The choices have grown immensely since I was a child. He picked out three then finally narrowed it down to one. He wasn't happy with me because I had rushed him.

When we got home Doug asked our liitle one why he was angry. He just looked at me. So I relayed the story to Doug. Then we recalled our own cereal horror stories. Doug's dad always bought, Brick O' Wheat, more commonly known as Shredded wheat. This shit should be used to board up windows during a hurricane. And scattered on the floor to prevent water damage. It would have to be removed with a front end loader, but you'd have no water damage.

My mom opted for the no name generic stuff that I swear was pressed sawdust and glue. She called it Corn Chex. If you bitched too much you got the dreaded grape nuts! Oh the humanity!! They should have named this crap, Gravel in a box. If you didn't rinse out your bowl you might as well toss the bowl. This stuff is never coming out.

All parents say the same thing too, sprinkle some sugar on it. I am sorry they don't produce enough sugar to make these cereals palatable. I wanted the sugary cereal with the crappy little toy inside. But I've since noticed that they don't put toys in cereal anymore. What's up with that? For 4.50 a box you should get something!

So I say - load up kids, We're going to Krispy Kreme for donuts.

Monday, February 13, 2006

BE MY VALENTINE


I usually try to be funny with my posts. More of the time I come sounding like a smart-ass. But since Valentines Day is upon us, I thought I would share something I feel was very romantic. It wasn't valentines but since the day is suppose to be about romance and letting your partner know how much you love and appreciate them. I felt like the story of Doug's marriage purposal was fitting.

This particular weekend we had made plans to do alittle shopping, go to dinner, then meet Doug's brother and girlfriend at a club later. After shopping we stopped by his brother Dave's house so I could change into my new clothes and confirm getting together later. I am notorious for taking forever to order at restaurants, and Doug wouldn't tell me where we were going to eat so I could get an idea of what I wanted. So I asked Dave to find out where we were going for me. Doug and Dave went outside briefly and when they got back Dave looked as though he had seen a ghost. He was pale, mouth wide open, and he seemed preoccupied. I asked him, so where are we going? And all he could utter in a strange voice was "I am not gonna tell you". I didn't know at the time but Doug had taken him to show him the ring and tell him the plan. And Dave was shocked and still trying to process the news. We went to a very nice, dimly lit restaurant for dinner. We were having an after dinner drink when Doug excused himself to the bathroom. When he returned instead of sliding into the booth beside me he knelt down on one knee. He spoke so sweetly of our time together, and his love for me. It seemed like forever before I heard him ask "will you marry me". To this day I can't recall everything he said to me. My heart was pounding too hard to hear. But I did hear the most important ones and quickly accepted.
I had no idea the booth in front of us had been watching the whole time. They had even turned around in the booth to watch. When Doug sat back down, they shouted, "well! what did you say." I stuck out my hand to show them the ring, and told them I said yes! They ordered us a bottle of Champagne, and soon a second bootle arrived from the manager congratulating us. I am not sure if it was the champagne or just sheer joy but I felt like I was floating when we left. When we got to the club I couldn't wait to show Dave and Jenna the ring. Dave said congrats but Jenna seemed alittle put off. It turns out that I got in three months what she had been waiting for, for five years! But nothing could put a damper on my night.
It's been almost eleven years now, and Doug still curls my toes. We been through alot together. And proved alot of people wrong. Even my own family didn't think it would last longer than a couple of years. But we are both stubborn as hell and that's probably why it's lasted this long. So Happy Valentine's Day Honey, I love You.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

MEMORY LANE PART ONE


This past weekend I was watching my teenage daughter and her friend. I felt like I was on safari. The Guide would say something like "observe the teenage girls in their natural habitat". This being the bathroom, on the phone, stereo on, and more hair appliances plugged in than my breaker box can handle. I kept quiet and still so as not to start a stampede. Accompanied by high pitched whines, and eyes rolling so far back into their heads that they may never be seen again. The two of them were singing and dancing to the music, and holding three different conversations at once( onr with each other , and both on seperate phones to others). I began to wonder was I ever this ditzy? And thinking back on some of the things we did in high school. It's amazing we survived. One of my favorite memories is one summer night me and my highly intelligent friends were bored. There's a bad sign right there. After a few beers and some brain storming we had an idea. And even made blueprints. The only thing missing was a delivery from Acme(Wylie Coyote reference). We split up to gather our equipment. And a hour later we were ready.
Girls checklist: bikini's, snorkles, and water guns.
Guys checklist: heavy black tarp(to line the truck bed), floaties, beer, boones farm wine, and a water hose.
Yes, you geussed it we were planning on a mobile pool. It worked too! We were having a ball cruising the drag, squirting people, and splashing around until...
The cops busted us. They confiscated our beverages, and emptied our pool. Spoil sports - we were escorted home, soaking wet and alittle tipsy. Our parents were so proud! I hope my daughter has more sense, but I doubt it. After all of us did our time in solitary confinement we were planning our next adventure. But I'll save that for another trip down memory lane.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

I AM NOT DR. QUINN, GET OFF MY BACK!!

Sorry it's been a few days since my last post, but I've had sick people under foot this week. I don't deal well with sick people. Their whining, sniffling, and coughing quite frankly works on my nerves! Whenever I am sick I load myself up with whatevers handy and go to bed and wait for meds to put me in a vegitative state until I feel better. Not my family, no they want things constantly and need my attention around the clock. I was not cut out to be a care giver. My bedside manor is non-existant. I guess it comes from my Mother. If I can deal with a cold and not bug anyone why can't you just suck it up, your not going to die! Besides my day is busy enough without these people snieveling about the temp. of their soup. Maybe I should take the advise of another blogger and just knock them out with NyQuil, or do like my dear old Mom and give generous doses of Robitussin. But who needs a visit from CPS. They've finally gotten better and back in school and the week wrapped up great. Yesterday I made the hour and a half journey to the big city to purchase tickets to an up coming Disturbed concert. I can't wait!! I even bribed my teen-ager back to health with a promise of a ticket if she'd just go back to school. Does that make me a bad parent, or just a bitchin' Mom? I don't care either way I've gotten her whiney ass off the couch, and I got my tickets. Dr. Quinn medicine bitch may have had another cure but mine did the trick and I was the first in line for tickets.
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Location: Podunk, Texas

I am a wild Irish rose stuck in a cow pasture. Completely out of my element but trying to fit in as best I can.

Cairde

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