Monday, October 02, 2006

AND THE WINNER IS .....

Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I had no idea how much time and work went into running for homecoming Queen.

There were three shopping trips to the closest big town. Two hair appointments and a set of nails. Then shoes, jewelry, and hair accessories. After trying on at least one hundred different dresses Kate settled on three beautiful gowns.

Kate's Thursday night dress for the pep rally was a pink one that resembles Cinderella's ball gown. For the football game a slinky royal blue gown that was a little revealing. But Dad kept a close eye on her. And for the Saturday parade and the end of homecoming, Kate picked a black and silver gown.

Unfortunately Kate did not win the crown. But her attitude was outstanding and I was extremely proud of her. On Thursday evening at the pep rally the announcement was made. The junior class candidate won the crown. After the crowning Kate jumped off the stage and joined the band. Formal gown and all.

On the way to the bon fire I asked Kate if she was upset that she didn't win. With a huge smile, Kate said no I am just glad they liked me enough to nominate me. And I am having a lot of fun.

At the game Friday night the Queen and her court had their own section to sit in. Kate a self discribed band geek kept sneaking over to play in the band. The principle told Kate not to worry about the band and enjoy the game with the other candidates.

At halftime the Queen and her court were escorted by their Dads onto the field. The announcer gave a short bio about each girl. Then they were presented with a gift from the ex-student association.

On Saturday afternoon there is a parade. The homecoming Queen and court ride in a convertible. When their car came by I had to laugh. There was Kate, one leg hanging over the side. In a formal dress, barefooted, wearing shades, and waving like Queen Elizabeth.

Even though Kate didn't win the title and crown of homecoming Queen. She is still a winner to me. You'll get em' next year Kate!!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

HOMECOMING QUEEN


When you think of Homecoming, most of us envision huge mums, bonfires, and the Queen being crowned at halftime of the game. Here in Podunk it is a very big deal. Homecoming isn't just for the High School kids. It is a reunion for all ex-students.

For a week before Homecoming preparations are being made. Welcome Exes banners are strung up over main street, the streets are cleaned, and planters are placed on the corners with fake mums in them. And every store window is decorated with crate paper.

Every year on Homecoming Thursday there is a tailgate supper, the formal announcement of the Homecoming Queen candidates,a pep rally, and the night end with the bonfire. Friday there is another pep rally before school ends. And at halftime proud Fathers escort their daughters onto the field for the crowning. After the game there is an all ages dance.

Saturday afternoon, win or lose, there is a parade. Then another dance Saturday night. By Sunday afternoon things are calming down and exes are leaving for home.

Being an outsider I have never been into Podunks Homecoming rituals. I would go watch my kids in the parade. And occasionally Doug and I would go to one of the dances, but not the entire weekends events.

This year I'll be involved in all the festivities. My daughter Kate has been nominated for Homecoming Queen. Kate came home with the news yesterday. The football players nominate one girl from each class, then the entire high school votes.

Kate and I are thrilled about the possibility of her winning the crown. Doug says I am more excited than Kate is about it. Maybe I am, my high school was so big that unless you were a rich cheerleader you didn't have a chance at becoming Homecoming Queen.

I just want Kate to enjoy this experience. It will be something she will always remember. I'll remember it too. At least the cost of it.

I have to buy three gowns, one for each day. The Thursday pep rally, the Friday night game, and the Saturday parade. Then there are other expenses, shoes, jewelry, and hair. I have always made all my girls their mums, so I can save a little there.

Homecoming is the last weekend of this month. I will let you all know October 1st if Kate wins.

Wish Kate luck!!

Monday, September 04, 2006

TIME WARP


Sorry for my absence since starting my new job. Most of my time after work is spent soaking my feet. Standing in one spot for hours on end is tough on the feet.

The good news is, with the plethora of rednecks and in-breeders in Podunk I'll have some funny shit to blog about.

For example, Podunk is stuck in a time warp. Just last month the grocery store got cash registers with scanners. Before that it was the old ring up everything by hand. And the cashiers had to memorize the weekly sales ad the best they could.

One other new addition to Podunk is an ATM machine. The local convenience store finally got one a few months ago. It is a wonder we don't have to climb a pole to use the phone.

Yesterday a elderly farmer, that either doesn't come to town very often or he is just getting senile finally noticed the register upgrade. The old man inspected the entire set up, from the counter, the card reader, to the scanner. Once he was done he scratched his head and said what's coming next?

Then I nearly gave the poor old guy a Stroke. When I totaled up his things I saw his shaking hands reaching for his checkbook. I knew it would take him a while to write a check. So I told him that the new register would print his check for him if he liked.

No! Hell no everyone's trying to get my money! Your not getting my checkbook. It took me and the other cashier ten minutes to calm the old farmer down and convince him we weren't after his money.

Once I finished sacking his groceries the fight was on again. The bag boy was at lunch so I grabbed up the sacks to carry them out to his car. The old man is I guess 70 or 75 years old, I didn't want him lugging those heavy sacks. He came unglued. No little girl is going to do a man's job for me. All the way to his truck I could see his lips moving, still fussing about the ordeal.

Maybe Podunk should stay in their time capsule. They may not be ready for registers that print checks, and machines that spit out money. Sometimes time warps can be a good thing. And small towns can be nice. Both of my kids classes have only 12-15 kids each.

And if my kids act up when I am not there, someone will call me to clue me in. Most times before the kids even get home. Podunk doesn't even have a traffic light. If one was installed just imagine the uproar like that would cause.

Monday, August 21, 2006

RETURNING TO WORK


Here in small town Texas finding a job is hell. Especially in Podunk. If you aren't sleeping with someone, married to someone,or related to someone. The chances of getting a decent job in Podunk are slim and none considering I am an outsider.

After I quit waitressing for Becky I took a long deserved rest. I think seven years of work with no vacations warranted a little time off. But with bills piling up it was time to find a new job.

I put in applications all over town. And waited weeks for someone to call and say Ranea we would love have you work with us. Yeah, like that was going to happen.

But the local grocery store decided to take a chance on me. It's not my dream job, but it's a paycheck. I started working again last week.

I hurt all over. I am not use to being on my feet for 8 hours a day anymore. And learning their scanner and the produce codes is tricky. One wrong number and a $.05 banana is a $2.00 avocado.

I hate being the new clueless person. I have never been someone to ask for anyone's help. And now I am starting all over and having to ask a million questions. But that's not entirely my fault. My training consisted of having another cashier stand beside me for two hour.

My job isn't hard but there is a lot of lifting, and like I said my feet aren't conditioned for heavy use anymore. Every night I come home limping. I hope it gets better soon.

Maybe one of the other places I applied will call. I really don't want to end up like the boss. The man started working there as a kid carrying out groceries, and has never left.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

NICE TRY BITCH - FOAD!


This week the target of my hatred are fucking bitches that knowingly try to seduce married men.

I have one skanky cunt in particular in mind. Her name is Jill. And without a doubt she is the loosest woman I have ever met.

In Jill's wake are several ended marriages, and two coaches have quit before being fired due to their affairs with Jill. This ho-bag doesn't hide what she does, if fact she flaunts it.

All this is reason enough for Jill to Fuck Off And Die. But wait, there is more to the story.

Anytime I was out and about I somehow had the misfortune of bumping into Jill. And without fail that slut would always ask me " how is that husband of yours?" Being an outsider in Podunk I would bite my tongue, smile, and reply "he's fine." But even an outsider has her limits.

One Saturday after cleaning out closets all day I found myself without one ingredient for dinner. There wasn't time to freshen up the store would be closing soon. It figures, I look like hell and guess who I run into?

You guessed it, Jill the douchebag. She made a bee line straight for me. And as always, with a grin on her face asked, how is that husband of yours? I snapped, with my hands on my hips, and in a rather loud voice. I told her, my husband is satisfied!!

Jill's jaw dropped open and she gasped like I had sucker punched her in the gut. Needless to say, Jill no longer inquires about my husband's well being. Matter of fact, she avoids me altogether.

Jill and any other bitches that see all men as fair game can Fuck off And Die!!


Monday, August 14, 2006

I'M THE BEAUTY

Once again I have been chosen by Siren to be the Beauty on Beauty vs. The Beast. Right now Fuzz is kicking my ass. Please Help!!!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

MANLY ATTITUDE - FOAD!!


Today my rage is for the macho fucktard at XYZ tires.

I needed new tires and I am perfectly capable of going out alone to purchase them. But apparently the knuckle draggers at XYZ tire thinks my tiny female brain can not comprehend the complexities of buying tires. After all I'm just a woman.

I walked into XYZ tire and told Bubba that I needed a set of tires. Bubba had the balls to ask me where my husband was, that we should wait for him. I took a deep breath, smiled, and asked how my husbands whereabouts effected this purchase?

Bubba seemed confused but unfased. Well little lady let's go see what size tires you need. Little Lady? What the hell!?! I gritted my teeth and said to this dumbass, Pumpkin they are 65R 15's, now let's talk price.

You could have knocked him over with a feather that I would know my own tire size. But Bubba's stupidity knows no bounds. He went to the computer, and after a couple of seconds of scanning the screen. Bubba said I can set you up for 480.00.

This is the point where I snapped. I thought up to this point I held it together pretty well. My eyes glazed over, I grabbed my breasts and with my voice raised considerably announced. Listen lug nuts just because I have tits doesn't mean I don't have a brain!!

Now stop dicking me around. You're not the only place to buy tires you know. Twenty minutes later I drove out of XYZ tire with four new tires costing 180.00. With free rotations and flats fixed for life.

I am sure Bubba convinced himself I was a Dike. But believe it or not Bubba not all women are clueless about cars. And not all men took auto shop.

So the cavemen at XYZ tire and others like them can Fuck Off And Die!
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Location: Podunk, Texas

I am a wild Irish rose stuck in a cow pasture. Completely out of my element but trying to fit in as best I can.

Cairde

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